Eyes Wide Open For The First time

I just feel like sharing this with you all. I have been having these aha moments lately. Like big aha moments...moments that I probably would have gotten sooner had I done the action. No regrets though it is what is and it takes what it takes and I am enjoying it now. I know you all have heard this and have all experienced it. We got sober together and I want to share this with you. Where Bill writes sometimes quickly sometimes slowly Well I thought the quickly was for you and the slowly was for me. I mean come on I have been here since 1995 trying to do this thing. I was thinking was unique....Bull shit I just did not want to, couldn't, whatever, the reason was there was no action on my part. I got sober with all of you and you did the action and the result was you got it quickly and now I am getting it. It might be slowly and I'm good with that because i am understanding it for the first time. I went back out long before I took the first drink or pill. The reason? Same old reason I wanted to change the way I felt. So I went back out and it is still no good out there and i have 37 day sober. This is how:
Every day I have calling my sponsor, three other alcoholics, going to meetings, reading the big book, started a big book study, started reworking my steps, meditating and reading my spiritual books,and journalling on everything. Well after about two weeks of meditating and reading and asking for willingness to be willing and for the wisdom to do the next right thing and for God to direct my thoughts and actions to be who he wants me to be, not this rebellious child, I get a thought direct from Him to me, "Stop trying to change the way you feel and just BE! Accept the feelings good or bad right now this minute for exactly what they are, because these too shall pass. Now I know that I have heard that before I have been told that before I have read that before, but it did not mean anything at the time because I do not remember hearing it. For the first time I am really able to feel some emotions that I am experiencing and explain them to another person. There is just so much more and it is really late: hungry, tired, loney.... What i am really tring to say is that I am participating in my sobriety today and it feels great!!!

I beg the question?

Why is it when we really need to do something important we find every excuse in the world not to? I have two test this week and finals next week and I can not focus for nothing today. I want to blog. Which I never even thought of blogging until two days ago. Now I seem to be obsessing on it. I have been thinking about all the cool stuff I can put on my page, aside from the gadget add-ons; recipes, crocheting ideas, and running all kinds of ideas. I have even been thinking about stuff that is not happening until February. Anything to keep me from learning all of my fallacy forms for my logic's class. Begging the question is one out of twenty-eight forms of a fallacies I need to know for my test on Thursday. I thought maybe if I posted something. I would be able to focus better.

First time blogger

I thought I would start blogging as a way to share my new experiences. I have been reading or should I say listening to Ekchart Tole's books, A New Earth and The Power of Now. I have had some tremendous emotions and eye opening experiences through these two books. I have listened to The Power of Now going on the second time. I am just amazed at how every time I listen to it I hear something new. About 3 or more years ago a friend of mine had suggested I read The Power of Now. I did and at that time it was too much for me to fully understand. I picked up the book again recently and began to read it and instantly I was taken in. I decided to down load it to my i Pod, so I could listen while I run. My thinking was I would save time because time is of great value to me these days, and in short supply. As I have listened to these books and these new concepts and ideas presented in these books, I have become quite aware of me. For as long as I can remember I have thought, acted, reacted to circumstances in my life as if that was the only way. Like someone had written out a job description for me to follow, but only the negative parts. It's like I know all the right things, according to my head, to say if someone upsets me or does not do it my way, or if someone said something hurtful to me, which can be hello in my case if I am having a bad day. But I have no idea how to just be supportive of my kids if having a bad day. It is crazy I know exactly how to be mean and hurtful and how I want to be loved, but at the same time I have a hard time accepting love and just being there for someone else. The Power of Now and A New Earth have really helped me. Maybe I was just ready to hear it and accept it for exactly what it is at this moment. Finally! I really hope this does not pass. I really am excited about learning more about who I really am. I guess that is all for now. I will be posting a crocheting project soon. I want to crochet a table cloth.